Whose Rei is it Anyways?
by Darke Crimson
Summary: Chaos ensues when the cast of Yu Yu Hakusho is put on the set of Whose Line is it Anyways? NOW FINISHED!
1. Default Chapter

KFire: 'Whose Line is it Anyways?' is not mine ... and neither are the characters from 'Yu Yu Hakusho', (and how I wish they were) , I'm only playing with them. Don't sue me, you'll get nothing. ^-^  
Yusuke: Are you done running your mouth?  
KFire: *looks around* where did you come from?  
Yusuke: Me and the guys are chillin' in the back room and I came to see what fic you're writing.  
KFire: It's the Whose Line.  
Yusuke: Ah. Finally posting this one?  
KFire: Possibly... *keys intercom* Alright, guys! Places!! *faces computer* alright, on with the fic!  
  
  
Whose Rei is it Anyways?  
written by: Knight de Fire  
  
  
(Camera of Drew standing among audience)  
Drew: Gooood Evening, everybody, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyways! On tonight's show: 'what the hell's wrong with -- Yusuke!!' , 'What realm are you from-- Hiei!!', 'What the hell is *that*-- Kurama!!', and 'Who asked you -- Kuwabara!!' And I'm your host, Drew Cary, come on down and let's have some fun! (Drew goes off screen)  
(Audience claps, cheers, whistles, etc.)  
  
  
(Camera on Drew's desk)  
Drew Cary: welcome to Whose Line is it Anyways?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter - like DBZ's 'all-you-can-see-is-lines' fight scenes. (makes stupid repetitive movements)  
(Audience laughs and few boo)  
  
Drew: What happens, if you've never seen this show before, is these guys are gonna come up and make up everything off the top of their heads and I award them points after every game, I don't know why. And at the end of the show, we pick a fake winner and they get to do something special with me, and the loser gets to hide the body. (Kurama lifts an eyebrow at Hiei, who is too busy ignoring everything. Yusuke nudges Kuwabara and grins) Well, let's start the show off with a game called "Let's make a date". Kuwabara, you're on a dating show and you have to pick between the other three, who are given a strange characteristic or identity. At the end you have to guess who they are. And off you go. (Kurama frowns and chuckles at his card, Hiei is scowling and seething at his, and Yusuke is looking confused.)  
  
Kuwa: (high falsetto) Bachelor number one!  
Kurama: [Hiei's bad-tempered ghetto, from-da-hood girlfriend] (glaring)Hn?  
Kuwa: (high falsetto) I love to exercise. If you went to the gym with me, what'd be the   
first thing you'd work on?  
Kurama: (sneering) (puts hand up ala ghetto hoochie-mama)*WHY* would I even talk you-- (bobbing head, pissed-off) -- when I could just rip your heart out and --  
Kuwa: (blinks, shocked)(normal voice) Oooookay, Bachelor number two!~!  
Hiei: (looking strangely at Kurama) What?  
Kuwa: I used to travel all the time. If you could go anywhere, where would it be?  
Hiei: [ditzy valleygirl who has a crush on Yusuke] (unable to hold in a glare before a clueless, idle look crosses his face.)Well, let's see...hee hee...  
(Kurama snickers)  
Hiei: (passing a hidden glare to Kurama) If I could, like, travel anywhere...I think I'd like to go to, like, ummmmmm.......Gosh, I don't know, maybe, uhh....(blinks, running out of ideas, which only serves to make him more clueless. Yusuke starts laughing, reminding him of the other part of his identity) with...you...(casts a dreamy look at Yusuke and lays a trembling hand on Yusuke's thigh, seething)  
Kuwa: (eyes very wide) ohhhhhhh wow.....I'll...uh, get back to you.... bachelor number three?  
Yusuke: (blinking) er, yeah?  
Kuwa: I like a man who can fight. I love a great challenge (Audience laughs). What do you think you can do to challenge me?  
Yusuke: [World's biggest panophobic**] {**fear of everything} (leans over and converses with Kurama for a sec, then comes back nodding) (to Kuwabara)AHH! WHAT?!  
Kuwa: (jumps at the shriek) er..I-uh...  
Yusuke: (cowers behind Hiei) Wh-wha-what's that?!  
Kuwa: (looking clueless)  
Hiei: (has managed to acquire a look of complete rapture as Yusuke uses him as a shield)  
Kuwa: (shakes head) Bachelor number one...wha--  
Kurama: (gets up, one hand on hip and gives Kuwabara the 'hand'with the other, sticks chest out) (bobs head around while talking) Listen, mistah, don' let me catchu talkin' ta *me* or mah man. (puts arm around Hiei) (snaps fingers in Kuwabara's face.)  
Drew: (Busts out laughing) ohhh boy...  
Kuwa: (snickers) Alriiight. YOU have an attitude problem.  
Kurama: EXCUSE ME! *WHAT* is your major malfunction? Didn't I tell you to shut it?  
Drew: (whistles) He told *you*!  
Kuwa: (shakes head) anyways...Bachelor number two..  
Hiei: (sighing, doesn't answer)(his full attention is on Yusuke, whose been jumping around shrieking at random things)  
Kuwa: Hey! Shorty!!  
Hiei: (jaw twitches as Yusuke launches himself into Hiei's arms, whimpering)  
Yusuke: (face buried in Hiei's neck)(he is shaking)   
Hiei: (grabs Yusuke's face with both hands and kisses, hard.)  
Kurama: O.O  
Drew: HAHAHA!   
Kuwa: (covers face with hand) O.O  
Yusuke: (stunned) O.O  
Kuwa: okay! anyways.....  
Drew: Alright, Kuwabara. Try to guess who they are.  
Kuwa: alright...Kurama was a girl from the ghetto?  
Drew: Right!  
Kuwa: and...Hiei was a ditz who is ...in love with Yusuke.  
Drew: (buzzes) Right!!   
Kuwa: and..er...Urameshi is...a scaredy-cat!  
Drew: Panophobic, correct!!  
(the guys take their seats as audience claps)  
Drew: okay, one thousand points each, especially to Hiei for kissing Yusuke. (laughs)  
(Kuwabara shakes head; Kurama still looks stunned; Hiei is hiding his face; Yusuke is beet red) (Audience cheers and whistles)  
Drew: Okay, the next game is called Scenes from a Hat. Kurama and Yusuke on that side, Kuwabara and Hiei on this side. Okay, the way this game goes is that I'll draw a piece of paper from this hat and we'll see how many you guys can act out. (fishes around in large hat and pulls out paper) okay, first one is: Practical Jokes on the Set of Yu Yu Hakusho.  
Yusuke: (walks out and makes Rei Gun gesture, but 'gunshot' accidently sets fire to Kurama's hair)  
Kurama: (Hops around, frantically swatting at head)   
(audience laughs)(camera zooms in on a singed part of Kurama's hair)(both walk back to spaces)  
(Hiei walks out, grudgingly, and pulls his sword. But as he tries to cut down 'Sieryuu', his sword folds in half like rubber. Audience laughs and Hiei returns to side.)  
Drew: ookay. Hey, Hiei, you'll get your sword back after the show, don't worry. Safety precautions, ya understand. Alright...next one is...The Yu Yu Hakusho Marching Band!  
(All four walk out and assume instruments: Kurama on sax, Hiei on snare, Kuwabara on trombone, and Yusuke on trumpet. Kurama and Kuwabara are doing a sorry attempt to marching in step but end up goose-stepping around the stage. Yusuke is doing scales (vocally), but every note is either sharp, a squeak, or a blat. Hiei is staring at his 'drum' and beating the hell out of it while shuffling around, knocking the others over.)   
Drew: (laughing and shaking his head) Jeez, band from hell, man. Alright! Next.... there's... (pulls out a slip of paper and starts laughing) HAHAHAHAA! (reads) When sex changes go wrong...  
Kurama: (is pulled out by Yusuke, who gestures extravagantly to Kurama. Kurama flushes slightly.)  
(Kurama and Yusuke return to side.)  
Hiei: (walks out and removes his headband. Jagan makes him turn all green and eye-y and stuff. Audience cheers and yells. Hiei replaces band around the Jagan and he returns to normal. He returns to the side. Drew laughs.)  
(Camera on Drew's desk)  
Drew: Okay! We'll be back after these messages, don't go away!! (frisbees hat toward camera, knocking it off the crane.) Oh *bleeep*!!   
  
FADE TO BLACK  
  
  
TBC...  
KFire: Okay! That's the first installment. PLEASE Review! please? (By the way, did I mention that this is my first attempt at comedy? Jeez, I hope it was at least a little funny...*crosses fingers*) Also, any suggestions? Tell me your favorite game and I'll set it up! Send jokes and ideas to Labyrinth_Fae@hotmail.com I'm so excited to hear from y'all!! I'll try to get my next part by next week. Love ya!  
Yusuke: How'd you get Hiei to cooperate with that?  
KFire: Oh, I have Yukina's support.   
Yusuke: ah. that'd explain why he hasn't fried you to a crisp yet.  
KFire: ^-^;;; yeah... 


	2. After the commercial break...

KFire: Alright! People are reading this! I've had some suggestions for different games. Kudos to Bura Masaki!! I'll try to get all of them, starting with most in demand. Thanks so much for reading!! ^-^ I'm so happy. Again, I don't own YYH nor Whose Line? Okay......on with the show~~!  
  
  
Whose Rei is it Anyways?   
After the first break....  
written by: Knight de Fire  
  
(Camera on Drew's desk)  
Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyways? the show where the points don't matter....like, ah....I dunno, like Genkai's age. Okay, now we're gonna play a game called 'Whose Line?' Believe it or not, we actually do have a game called 'Whose Line?' here on Whose Line?. This is for Yusuke and Hiei...here are your envelopes. They've never seen these slips of paper, and they'll insert them randomly into the scene. Alright, the scene is: Hiei and Yusuke are samurai --heheh, your element, eh, Hiei? -- on their way to defeat an evil dragon. Hiei, Yusuke, whenever you're ready.  
  
Yusuke: Hiei, quick -- we must hurry to the evil dragon!  
Hiei: (muttering) Not evil, just misunderstood...  
Yusuke: Huh? Didja say something?  
Hiei: no. (audience laughs)  
Yusuke: Okay, well, come on - up the mountain!  
(Both mime hiking up a mountain)  
Yusuke: (suddenly jumps back) AHH! THE DRAGON!!!  
Hiei: (glares at him) .....  
Yusuke: (deadpan) aaaaahhhh. the dragon is going to eat me. (elbows Hiei)  
Hiei: (is on the recieving end of frantic motions from behind the camera by director)..... ....er..quick! Into this cave. (darts into imaginary cave)  
Yusuke: (follows Hiei) Oh, jeez, what do we do now?? Got any ideas? (peers out of 'cave')  
Hiei: ...hn....I know -- (pulls out slip of paper) -- 'pull the knob and turn that sucker on'  
(Audience cheers)  
Yusuke: (barely manages to suppress a grin) O-okay...(reaches near Hiei's crotch and mimes pulling a 'knob') (audience whistles)   
Hiei: (glowers at Yusuke) (teeth clenched) Why. Don't. *You.* Try. Something.  
Yusuke: (red with suppressed laughter) Is the knob broken? (snickers)  
Hiei: (grabs Yusuke by the collar and hisses in his face) I'll get you after this!  
Yusuke: (pulls back, slightly ruffled) Alright, Hiei. Let's try to escape from this cave, ne?   
Hiei: (glaring) Any suggestions?  
Yusuke: Y'know, it's times like this that remind me of the time I spent at camp.  
Hiei: (eyes narrowed) really.  
Yusuke: Yes. My camp leader always told me that, when I was stuck -- (pulls slip of paper) -- pull up your pants and tuck it back in. (looks down and 'pulls' his pants back up and does extravagant folding to 'tuck' it back in)  
(Audience cheers and whistles)  
Kurama: [from seat behind performers] (eyebrows shoot up and chuckles)  
Kuwabara: [also from seat] (starts laughing)  
Hiei: (peers out cave) (nods at Yusuke) Yep, you scared it off.  
(audience laughs)  
Drew: {Buzzer} okay, you guys, good job! Thousand points a piece! Great job! Heheh.. that was some tuck, Yusuke. (audience laughs)  
Yusuke: (pats himself contentedly) (More laughter and whistles)   
Kuwa: way to go, Urameshi..  
Kurama: (shaking head) ohhh jeez...  
Hiei: (rolls eyes)  
Drew: Alright, next game...oh, this is a new game, we just got this one... It's called Mortal Mischief. In this game, they're going to act out stupid things people do that get them killed, maimed, whatever... okay! and, off you go!  
Kurama: (walks out with Hiei) (pulls back hand and slaps him firmly on the rear)  
Yusuke: O.O OMG!!  
Kuwa: O.O  
Drew: O.O  
Hiei: (has an odd look on face as if he's unsure of whether to be furious or shocked)  
Kurama: (walks back to spot before Hiei figures out what his reaction is)  
Drew: (whistles) {Buzzer}  
Kuwa: (walks out) (puffs out chest and ignites spirit sword) And now!! Kuwabara Kazuma will perform his famous sword swallowing routine!! (Attempts to swallow sword)  
Drew: {Buzzer}   
Kuwa: Damn, that was hot...  
Yusuke: (Rolls eyes) (Walks out) (tilts head back and says in a lusty voice) Oh, oh, yess!! Come on, Drew...Ohhhhhh!!!  
Audience: (laughs and whistles)  
Hiei: (raises an eyebrow)  
Drew: (Shakes head and laughs)  
Kurama: what an awful mental image...  
Others: (Laughter)  
Drew: {Buzzer} alright...next game! (Reads from card) Okay, the next game we'll be playing is called Party Quirks. Hiei, you'll be throwing a party and each of the other guys will enter with unusual characteristics and you'll have to guess what they are. Whenever you're ready.  
  
Hiei: (stands in the middle of the 'room' arms crossed and glaring at the camera) Hn.  
Drew: (shaking head) {Ding-dong ding-dong ding-dong}  
Hiei: (Walks stiffly over to 'door' and greets Yusuke) Hn.  
Yusuke: [Viagra commercial] (Smiles hugely at everyone and winks at various girls in the crowd) He-ey! Is your life boring? Why not spice (pelvic thrust) it up a bit? With our new and improved formula, you'll be on *your* way to a new, more exciting you!!  
Hiei:...are you on something? (frowns)  
Drew: [doorbell]  
Kurama: (Barges in, knocking Hiei over) [PMS] WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???? WHO SAID YOU COULD HAVE A PARTY?! (abruptly changes attitude, producing tears for the audience) (sobbing) You weren't going to invite me....were you?...(sob)  
Hiei: (startled) er...Hello, Kurama....Hey, why don't you hook up withYusuke here....ah....  
Drew: [doorbell]  
Hiei: (opens door) Hi.  
Kuwa: [keeps suffering massive traumatizing experiences] (clutches heart) Ahhh!! My-my-my .... (starts twitching like mad) (gasps and 'faints')  
Hiei: about time you died....(turns to Yusuke, who's hitting on Kurama)   
Yusuke: Hey, baby, you want some excitement?  
Kurama: (looks endearingly at Yusuke) You really love me?  
Hiei: (rubs eyes)Yusuke....ah....er....  
Yusuke: (whips around to face Hiei; puts arm around Hiei, who promptly shoves him off)  
(leers at Kuwabara) How about you? Want to get busy?  
Kuwa: (falls to knees) Ahhh! My legs! My legs!!!  
Yusuke: Got that right....(strokes Kuwa's thigh)   
Kuwa: O.O (backhands Yusuke across face) ...OH! MUSCLE SPASM!!!!  
Drew: (laughs)  
Kurama: (lips twitch) (suddenly looks furious; others try not to flinch) HOW DARE YOU!! (breaks down) (Sobbing) I-I-I-I can't believe you did that! Poor Yusuke....  
Hiei: (screaming at Kurama) QUIT YER WHINING YOU HORMONE CRAZED WOMAN!!!!....?  
Drew: {Buzzer} close enough!  
Hiei: (looks disgustedly at Drew) (turns to Yusuke)  
Yusuke: (nuzzles Hiei's neck)  
Hiei: What is *wrong* with you?!  
Yusuke: (Deep voice) Hey, baby, want some lovin'?  
Hiei: (Completely grossed out) You're a sex-driven, drugged-out...er...  
Drew: {Buzzer} Viagra! Right-o!  
Kuwa: (staggering) (arms behind back) My arms and legs are gone!! AHHH!!  
Hiei: (is reminded of Monty Python) Is your head gone yet?  
Kuwa: AHHHHH! (starts twitched wildly and babbling)   
Hiei: -.-;;  
Kuwa: (abruptly falls over dead)  
Hiei: Yes!! --I mean...he is experiencing all causes of dying?  
Drew: [buzzer] Yep! Massive Trauma! [Buzzes a few more times] Boy, you're really getting some today, eh, Hiei? Pimpin' out! (laughter) Alright, we'll be back after these commercials! Don't go away!  
[Cut to black]  
  
----------  
  
  
KFire: Sweet. The second installment. I'm so glad I'm getting replies from people. Thanks so much. I'm thinking of doing a MSTing, so if anyone wants to refer any fics to me, I'll MST them and post them...not here of course...FFN.net banned them so, I'll have to find another site... Anyways, I welcome comments, corrections, and suggestions~!!  
  
Yusuke: Yakyakyakyak...  
  
KFire: Bite me.  
  
Yusuke: I think you're pushing it with Hiei. (hears crashing) I think he's demolishing the break room.  
  
KFire: Great. another revolt...  
  
Kurama: (Walking in) You might want to ease up picking on Hiei...  
  
(all light go out)  
  
Yusuke: He's *so* going to kill you in your sleep. (laughs)  
  
KFire: Thanks for the warning...  
  
Kuwabara: (Also walks in) Yeah, sleep with one eye open......I want another hotel.  
  
Kurama and Yusuke: Me too.  
  
KFire: (Sighing) Fine. We'll have to find someone else to humiliate...(brightly) Any suggestions, readers?? Email me at Labyrinth_fae@hotmail.com  
  
Kurama: Always one for marketing yourself, eh?  
  
KFire: (Smiling) absolutely. Let's see who the people want to antagonize next. (Looks eerily at Kurama, Kuwabara, and Yusuke)  
  
K,K, & Y: (groan) 


	3. Episode Two: The chaos continues...

KFire: Thank you for all your reviews! At last count there were about 35. I haven't been able to get on in a while, though. Sorry for the delay, oh revered reviewers, but my family went on vacation...and I've had a bit of a case of writer's block. ^-^;;;; Anyways, thanks so much for all the help. [sifts through papers] ahh...let's see...there was something else....[surrounded by various papers and file folders] where is it....?  
  
Yusuke: [walking in] What's goin' on?  
  
KFire: [distracted] I'm trying to find something...  
  
Yusuke: [looking around] Jeez, Kay, it looks like Koenma's office in here.  
  
KFire: [looks up, irritated] Why don't you take yer comments and shove em-- OH! here it is! [scans page] Attention readers! Since I have no desire to be killed, disembodied, and/or cremated, I asked you to suggest another target! And now! {drum roll}  
  
[Kuwabara and Hiei walk in ominously]  
  
KFire: The new target is.......Kurama!! [confetti and crepe paper rains down]  
  
Yusuke: [laughing] great, I was getting tired of picking on Hiei!!  
  
Hiei: [has a look of total vengeance] [evil smirk]  
  
Kuwabara: [laughing like a complete idiot] heheheheh! It's you're turn now, rose boy!  
  
Kurama: [shakes head and walks out]  
  
KFire: He'll live.  
  
Yusuke: I wonder how he'll take it...  
  
KFire: Well...let's see. On with the fic! Whose Rei is it Anways! Episode TWO!! [cues lights]  
  
  
{Music plays}  
Drew: Good evening and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyways! On tonight's show!--  
'Who're YOU looking at?'-Yusuke!, 'Whatcha doin' baby'-- Kuwabara!, 'Just leave'-Hiei!, and 'What do you waaa-aant?'-Kurama! Come on down and let's have some fun.  
[camera to Drew's desk]  
Drew: And welcome to Whose Line is it Anyways! The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter; that's right, the points don't matter! --like a weedeater to Kurama! Hahaha...alright, if you've never seen this show before, the actors get up here and play various games, making up thing right off the top of their heads. And I give them fake points, they don't mean anything, just something brought over from England, so...  
Let's start with the first game. It's called Two Line Vocabulary. The scene is Hiei catches his girlfriend, Kurama, cheating on him with Yusuke. Hiei, you can say whatever you want. Kurama, your lines are 'Hey, wanna join?' and 'Let's do it.' [Audience laughs] And Yusuke, your lines are 'What was that?' and 'I like it that way.' That's all they can say, nothing else...And off you go.  
  
[Hiei stands off to the side, with Yusuke and Kurama in the middle.]  
  
Yusuke: [presses himself firmly against the back of Kurama's body. He puts his arms under Kurama's arms and folds them over his shoulder, trapping Kurama.] [breathes against his neck and says in a lusty voice] I *like* it that way...  
  
Kurama: [feels the hairs on his neck stand on end] [flushes slightly and coughs nervously] Let's...ah...do it..  
  
[Hiei walks in suddenly]  
  
Hiei: [smirking at Kurama] [shocked voice] Kurama! What're you doing?! I-heheh- I, ah, never knew!  
  
Kurama: [looks quite helpless] ah..Let's do it?  
  
Yusuke: [moaning] What *was* that? [mouths Kurama's neck] [Kurama gasps and tries to pull away] [Kuwabara is nearly on the floor laughing in the background]  
  
Drew: BWAHAHAHA!! [wiping tears from his eyes] [laughing]   
  
Hiei: [is enjoying Kurama's discomfort immensely] [comes closer to the pair] enjoying yourselves?  
  
[long pause as Yusuke waits for Kurama to say something. Kurama looks frantic for a second before looking utterly miserable and saying the only line available]  
  
Kurama: Hey, wanna join? [winces]  
  
Hiei: [eyes widen with mirth]  
  
Yusuke: I like it *that* way....[snickers]  
  
Kuwabara: [laughing so hard, his face is turning red]  
  
Hiei: [glances at Yusuke and evil gleam in his eye] you too? [and with that he presses his hands against Kurama's chest and leans into him, sandwiching him between Yusuke.]  
  
Kurama: [looking somewhat annoyed and in resigned voice] Let's do it...  
  
[audience claps and whistles] {Buzzer}  
  
Drew: Alright, guys, good job. How was that, Kurama? A man's man, eh? hahaha. A thousand points each!  
  
Kurama: [Head in hand]  
  
Yusuke: [grins easily at Kurama]  
  
Kuwabara: [pats Kurama's shoulder in a congratulatory way]   
  
Hiei: [looks satisfied at having taken revenge]  
  
Drew: Okay, the next game is called.....Questions Only! [Audience cheers] Kuwabara and Kurama on that end, Yusuke and Hiei on this end. The scene is: getting through customs at the airport. You can only ask questions, and off you go. Kuwabara and Yusuke, you're first.  
  
[Kuwa and Yusuke walk out to middle.]  
  
Yusuke: *What* is taking so long?  
  
Kuwa: Are you in a hurry?  
  
Yusuke: Can't you tell?  
  
Kuwa: Is this a gun?  
  
Yusuke: [coy]You mean the one in my pants?  
  
Kuwa: [incredulously] You have a gun in my pants?  
  
Yusuke: [suggestively] Wanna see how big it is?  
  
Kuwa: [cracking up] I...ah, er....psh...  
  
{Buzzer}[Kurama walks out]  
  
Kurama: Have you seen the guy with a gun in his pants?  
  
Yusuke: Why, do you want to clean the barrell?  
[Director dashes off the set behind the camera]  
  
Kurama: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
[Yusuke opens his mouth to reply when the Director returns, glaring sternly at him. The Director's holding a sign with 'PG-13' printed on it. Yusuke scratches his head and walks off.] {Buzzer} [Hiei walks on]  
  
Hiei: [completely ignores the Director] Did you *bleep* the guy with the big *bleep*?  
  
Kurama: [looks surprised for a second then raises his eyebrows] who wouldn't?  
  
[Director motions furiously at Drew]  
  
Drew: {Buzzer} easy there, Hiei. Remember the rating. [laughs] Hey Kurama, pimpin' out today, eh? [Audience laughs and cheers] Alright the next game is calls Film, TV, and Theatre Styles. From the audience, yell out any type of style you want to see these guys perform...  
  
Audience member 1: Baywatch!  
AM 2: Monty Python!  
AM 3: Star Wars!  
AM 4: Sailor Moon!  
  
Drew: Okay, okay...Got em....Alright, guys. The scene is: cashing out at a department store. Kuwabara, you're the ornery cashier, and Hiei and Kurama are a couple arguing about what to buy. Whenever you're ready, start.  
  
Kurama: Quick, they're about to close! [He and Hiei rush to 'front' of store.]   
  
Kuwa: [smacking gum at 'register' on other side of stage.]  
  
Drew: {Buzzer} Baywatch!  
  
[Kurama and Hiei glance at each other and then at Yusuke. Yusuke mouthes something at them. Kurama and Hiei glance at each other again and start to jog in slow motion with looks of completely fake distress on their faces. Hiei arrives at 'register', followed by Kurama]  
  
Hiei: [grabs Kuwa's face in one hand and shakes him. Hard.] Kurama, he's not breathing. Resuscitate him!  
  
Kurama: WHAT?![glares at Hiei]  
  
Drew: {Buzzer}Monty Python!  
  
[All acquire ridiculous british accent]  
  
Kurama: We ahr the shoppahs of Ni!   
  
Hiei: And we wont a shrubbahry!!  
  
Kuwa: I will nawt get you a shrubbahry!  
  
Kurama: Get us wone~!  
  
Kuwa: No!  
  
Hiei: [lops Kuwa's arms off] HA!  
  
Kuwa: Have aht you! [kicks Hiei]  
  
Kurama: you lost!  
  
Kuwa: No I didn't!  
  
Kurama: Yes, you did! You ave no ahrms!  
  
Kuwa: Tis only a flesh wound!  
  
Hiei: Whot?! [lops legs off]  
  
Kuwa: [standing on his knees] Come ere~! Ah'll bite your bloody legs ohff!!  
  
Drew: {Buzzer} Star Wars!  
  
[Pause] [Hiei and Kuwa start sword fighting] [Hiei cuts off Kuwa's hand]  
  
Kuwa: ARRRGGG!!!! I HATE YOU! YOU KILLED MY FATHER!!!  
  
Hiei: I AM YOUR FATHER!!  
  
Kurama and Kuwa: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Drew: {Buzzer} Careful now, as you do it as...Sailor Moon!  
  
[All pause again]  
  
Kuwa: [to Kurama] Sailor Moon! quick! use the ...ah...Moon....wand!  
  
Kurama: [looks at Kuwabara in horror]  
  
Hiei: [also to Kurama] Yes, Sailor Moon!  
  
Kurama: [silently cursing] Moon..ah..Silver Crystal Power.....er...Hit!!!?  
  
[Hiei and Kuwabara both strike ridiculous poses]  
  
Drew: {Buzzer,buzzer,buzzer} Okay, that was great. Two thousand 'silver crystal' points for Sailor Kurama, there.   
  
[Audience laughs] [Kurama sighs and shakes his head] [Yusuke whispers to Hiei about picturing Kurama in a skirt and school uniform] [Both snicker]  
  
Drew: Alright the next game is..Unlikely Superheroes! This is for all four of you. [To audience] Alright, someone give me the name of an unlikely superhero.  
  
AM 5: The Annoying Kid!  
AM 6: Captain Obvious!  
AM 7: Disco Man!  
  
Drew: Captain Obvious! We'll do Captain Obvious. And now, we need a crisis.   
  
AM 8: No more Sugar!!  
AM 9: Baggy Pants!!  
AM 5: Rabid Pokemon!!  
  
Drew: [laughing] rabid pokemon? [laughs]...Alright, Captain Obvious, there's rabid pokemon all over the world! What're you going to do?!  
  
Kurama: Psh. [Rolls eyes] [suddenly looks bored] [in a deadpan voice] wow. look. there are rabid pokemon everywhere on the crisis monitor. where the hell are my superfriends...?  
  
Yusuke: [comes flying in] Sorry I'm late, I had to shoot my pikaflu. [shrugs]  
  
Kurama: It's the Unattentive Kid!  
  
Yusuke: [looking around] huh?  
  
Kurama: There's rabid pokemon, you gotta help--  
  
Hiei: [walks in] Hn.  
  
Yusuke: [glances at Hiei] oh, look, Random Boy...[trails off, looking at Kurama's shoes]  
  
Hiei: [looks quite idly around] Hello.  
  
Kurama: We fix this rabid pokemon thing...[is distracted by Yusuke checking out his belt]  
  
Kuwa: [runs in] Hey!  
  
Hiei: [gives Kuwabara a death glare] It's Captain Sugar...  
  
Kuwa: [flashing a bright, toothpastey smile] Hey, I got it! I'll just feed the pokemon sugar until they're so hyper they blow up!!!!!  
  
Kurama: -.-;;; [sarcastic] yep, that'll work...  
  
Kuwa: [mimes sprinkling sugar around and leaves]  
  
Hiei: [glaring at everyone] I FREAKING NEED SLEEP!!!!!!! [suddenly backhands Yusuke and leaves]   
  
Yusuke: [didn't notice the hit, looks at Kurama] Hey, where did everyone go? [Kurama tries to answer but it appears Yusuke forgot he asked and walks off]  
  
Kurama: [looking annoyed at them] Everyone's gone...[leaves]  
  
Drew: {Buzzer} Great job! Thousand points each. What an interesting round...Anyways, we'll be right back. Don't go away!  
  
[fades to black]  
  
  
  
KFire: Okay! Third part's done. This last game wasn't quite what I thought it'd be but...What do you think? Better? Worse? Same? I'm running out of ideas here...[Kurama suddenly walks in] Hello Kurama.  
  
Kurama: [glares at her]   
  
KFire: awww...come on...  
  
Kurama: [eyes flash and he leaves]  
  
KFire: [suddenly notices all the ...shrubbery.] HEY!  
  
Yusuke: [tries to come in] What's going on here?  
  
KFire: I think Kurama's kinda pissed.  
  
Yusuke: You THINK?!  
  
KFire: Shut up and start hacking.  
  
Yusuke: Waitasec. What about Hiei?  
  
KFire: Oh yeah...HHHHIIIEEEEIIII!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hiei: What?  
  
KFire: How long have you been in here?  
  
Hiei: long enough.  
  
Yusuke: Can you fry this stuff?  
  
Hiei: It'll cost you.  
  
KFire: How about I'll torture you in the next part if you don't.  
  
Hiei: Fine. [muttering] [flames the plants]   
  
Yusuke: Yep. I'd be careful if I were you...  
  
KFire: [sighing] yeah.. Oh, that's right. Readers, please send me any comments or ideas you have! I'd love to make them happen!! ^-^  
  
Hiei: [to Yusuke] she never stops, huh?  
  
Yusuke: nope...  
  
KFire: Oh yeah. Special thanks for suggestions for this episode to: ArtikGato, Blackflower, Snowbliz, Di_En, Katoumaru, ShinkuAme, Dragon Master Lytore, Gatochu, animegirl3, DarkFire, Izzy A-chan, and Touya no Miko!! Many of you suggested props and Irish Drinking Song...ideas?? Anyone?? And thanks for all the encouragement! It really means a lot. ^-^ Till next time! 


	4. Ep 2, Part Two, The Insanity goes on

KFire: Hey everyone! Welcome to the second part of the second episode! First, an apology. I'm not sure if Jemibub reads this or has read it, but I read their fic entitled 'Whose Ki is it Anyways?' and I realized that Drew says the same phrase in their fic as in mine in the first chapter. I'm not sure if it's just a popular expression, but it was completely unintentional and accidental as I just read it yesterday. I'd just like to apologize for that if it seems I'm...er...yeah...  
  
Hiei: Can't say it, eh?  
  
KFire: [jumps, startled] No! I mean, what do you mean?! ...And when did you get there?  
  
Hiei: Copying?  
  
KFire: NO! If there's anything I don't do, it's plagiarize. I might nail you to a merrygoround and set it in perpetual motion, but I don't copy!  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
KFire: Oi...Anyways, sorry if you're offended. [Picks up another paper] Alright...target is still Kurama...Although I'm aiming for a new one next episode. Suggestions!   
  
Yusuke: [Runs in and skids to a halt] Erm...guys?  
  
[KFire and Hiei turn around] Yeah?  
  
Yusuke: I think you might want to choose someone else to harass...  
  
KFire: [Groan] what did Kurama do?  
  
Hiei: [smirking]  
  
Yusuke: We-ell, I'm not going to say, but...just don't leave this room, okay? [sits down on the couch]  
  
KFire: great. Well, there's only a bit more.  
  
Hiei and Yusuke: Famous last words...  
  
  
  
Whose Rei is it Anyways?   
Episode two, after commercial break.  
by: Knight de Fire  
  
Drew: And welcome back! Welcome back to Whose line is it anyways?, the show that leaves you wondering what the hell happened? Alright, the next game is called 'Dubs'. This game is fore Yusuke and Kurama. Here, Yusuke. [tosses Yusuke a mic] Kurama, you'll be acting and responding to Yusuke.   
[to Audience]  
Somebody shout something that goes on in school...  
  
Starwarsfanone1: Band practice!!  
Izzy A-chan: Cheerleading!  
[Audience laughs]  
Drew: Cheerleading! We'll do cheerleading. Kurama you're captain of the cheerleading squad, showing your new squad the latest moves. Go!  
[Kurama glares death at Izzy {who's laughing at him}]  
  
Kurama: [acquires 'popular ditz pose' with most of his weight on one hip, one shoulder back, elbow bent with that hand palm up, slightly closed; the other hand is playing with his hair. His mouth moves as if he's chewing gum loudly.]  
Yusuke: [uses a high pitched girly voice] Like, oh-kay, girlfriends. At the, ah, next game, we're doing, like, a new routine! Alright and ...kick! [Kurama kicks half-heartedly], no higher! [Kurama kicks leg higher] and two! [another kick] and up! [after a pause, a handstand] and downandkickandover!!   
Kurama: [eyes widen and his body falls over backward, he kicks, sending his body back over the other way]  
Yusuke: -and twist!  
Kurama: [twists around in mid-air, but lands with a loud thud on his chest] Uhhh!  
[Audience laughs and 'oohhhs']  
Yusuke: [still sickeningly perky] Get up, girls! Let's cheer!!  
Kurama: [glares the Heero Yuy Triple Patented Death Glare at Yusuke]  
Yusuke: [Starts singing 'St. Ignacious cheer'] Oh my goodness, oh my gracious --  
Kurama: [trembling with anger] [stalks over to Yusuke and glares HYTPDG, hands clenched, eye twitching slightly]  
Yusuke: [sweatdrop] oorrr not...anyways....[suddenly more perky] Now for our, heh, SUPER CHEER!  
[Kurama looks ready to kill]  
Yusuke: updownjumpovercheerytoppopupandgoandcheercheercheer!!   
Kurama: [does an impressive display of acrobatics]  
[clapping and whistling from Audience]  
Drew: [buzzbuzzbuzz]  
Kurama and Yusuke walk back to seats] [Yusuke avoids Kurama's eyes as he gets as far away as possible.]  
Drew: That was great! [claps] Okay moving on to the next game: Three-Headed Broadway Star!  
[Clapping and Whistling]  
Drew: [glances at card] Okay, if you were an Italian musical director, what would the name of your musical be?  
Jubei: Fruit of the Vine!  
Drew: [facing them] Alright. And what'd be the hit love song be?  
Kingof_theDamned: Touch those Grapes!!!!  
[Laughter and incredulous looks from cast]  
Drew: [grinning] Okay~! Kurama, Kuwabara, and Hiei, you'll be singing the hit song, "Touch those Grapes" from the hit musical "Fruit of the Vine".  
[piano music starts]  
Hiei: [flatly] I.  
Kuwa: Ca-an't  
Kurama: [frowning] wait  
Hiei: to  
Kuwa: [grin] grab  
Kurama: your  
Hiei: [Blink] grapes  
Kuwa: they're  
Kurama: er...ni-ice..  
Hiei: and  
Kuwa: [snickering] soft  
Kurama: so  
Hiei: eh...bend  
Kuwa: backward  
Kurama: for  
Hiei: [frowning again] me..  
Kuwa: so  
Kurama: I  
Hiei: can  
Kuwa: do  
Kurama: the  
Hiei: [lift an eyebrow] wild?  
Kuwa: Thang!  
Kurama: with  
Hiei: them...  
Kuwa: so  
Kurama: may  
Hiei: I   
Kuwa: grab  
Kurama: those   
Hiei: [frantically trying to think..] luscious [Yusuke is laughing hysterically in the background]  
Kuwa: [laughing] fruits  
Kurama: they're  
Hiei: sweet  
Kuwa: yet  
Kurama: ....erm...sour  
Hiei: and  
Kuwa: ...ohhhhh  
Kurama: so  
Hiei: rubable...  
Kuwa: I'd  
Kurama: love  
Hiei: to  
Kuwa: make  
Kurama: wine  
Hiei: with  
Kuwa: you  
K,K, and H: Allllll......Niiiiiiiiight!  
[much laughing and cheering]  
Drew: [laughing] alright! Good job! Two thousand 'rei-points'!  
Yusuke: Ooohhh!!  
Drew: Yeah..cool...the next game is called 'props'! Kuwabara and Yusuke, here's your prop. [hands Kuwabara what looks like a green funnoodle with a loop at one end]  
And Hiei and Kurama, here's yours [hands Hiei what looks like two 4' in diameter yellow foam pompoms]  
And whenever you're ready!  
  
[Yusuke holds the loop of the noodle. He whips it around with a look of anger, a perfect impression of Kurama]  
Yusuke: ROSE WHIP!  
[BUZZ]  
[Hiei shoves pompoms into Kurama's hands]  
Hiei: So, cheer captain, how did that go again?  
[BUZZ]  
[Kuwabara uses noodle as a drill]  
[BUZZ]   
[Kurama drop kicks pompoms hard, sending them flying at Drew]  
Drew: AHH!   
[BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ]  
[Yusuike puts his head in the loop and Kuwa 'hangs' him.]  
[BUZZ]  
[Hiei and Kurama act as if they're eating french fries]  
[BUZZ]  
[Yusuke whips Kuwa]   
Yusuke: yah!  
Kuwa: [sarcastically] Oh, that's good.  
Yusuke: [smacks him with it, hard] moron. let's see you do better.  
[BUZZ]  
[Kurama and Hiei fling them at each other, Hiei catching one full in the face.]  
[BUZZ]  
[Yusuke and Kuwa are too busy arguing to do anything and are yanking on it, trying to do their own thing.]   
[BUZZBUZZBUZZ]  
  
Drew: alright, before you guys kill each other...The next game is...Irish Drinking Song!  
This is for all four of you...And you're going to sing about ..Koenma!  
  
[music plays]  
All: Ohhhh, Idy didy didy didy didy didy diiii...  
Yusuke: Oh, I met this little guy  
Kuwa: with a pacifier  
Kurama: he gives us our missions  
Hiei: An' I'd like to set him afire...  
Yusuke: We always have to fight someone  
Kuwa: And they're usually really strong  
Kurama: And it's all Koenma's fault  
Hiei: cause he's always wrong!  
  
All: Oh, Idy didy didy didy didy didy dii  
  
Kuwa: He's always passing judgement  
Kurama: on all o-of us  
Hiei: Telling you what to do  
Yusuke: ...he's such a wuss  
Kuwa: His office is always a mess  
Kurama: papers piled everywhere  
Hiei: Koenma's a clumsy dolt  
Yusuke: falling off his chair  
  
All: Oh Idy didy didy didy didy didy dii!  
  
Kurama: When we stole three artifacts  
Hiei: Koenma got in trouble  
Yusuike: He had to answer to his dad  
Kuwa: which was none too subtle.  
Kurama: Koenma's dad was really pissed  
Hiei: and he got his due  
Yusuke: Boton says that he got spanked  
Kuwa: But that's nothing new!  
  
All: Oh Idy didy didy didy didy didy dii!  
  
Hiei: Boton is one of his assistants  
Yusuke: She always call him 'Sir'  
Kuwa: but I'm really not sure why  
Kurama: he reminds me of a ...cur  
Hiei: He looks just like a toddler  
Yusuke: cause he's only two feet high  
Kuwa: and every time he has a plan  
Kurama: it always goes awry   
  
All: Oh Idy didy didy didy didy didy di! Oh Idy didy didy didy diiii dee dii deee DIIIIII!!!!!  
  
Drew Carey: Alright! 50,000 points apiece and hey, Koenma! I'm sending two million points straight to your height therapy. [points and winks] Alright see ya next time on Whose Line is it Anyways!!  
  
[[roll credits]]  
  
-------------  
  
KFire: [feels someone behind her] erm....yes?   
  
Kurama: [prods her in the back of the neck with rose] [coldly] Done?   
  
KFire: Ouch!! Yes, yes, I'm done...sheesh. [turns around] Y'know, Hiei took this better than you...  
  
Kurama: Hiei didn't go through the same thing!  
  
KFire: Fine! Besides, it's all done now. We get to pick on either Kuwabara or Yusuke. Alright?  
  
Kurama: [glares and walks away]  
  
KFire: Jeez...[faces computer] Alright guys! Good? Bad? Was it better than the last one? And lastly! Suggestions!? You guys are awesome at that! As a new custom, I will thank the contributors!  
  
Special thanks to: ShinkuAme, Des, StarWarsfanone1, Animegirl3, Izzy A-chan, Dragon_master_Lytore, and Kingof_theDamned!!  
  
Also, the votes are piling! Who do YOU want to be targeted? Dear Yusuke?  
  
Yusuke: [walking in] Huh? What's going on?  
  
Hiei: [from corner] Asking about you.  
  
Yusuke: [wink] really?  
  
KFire: Oi....or Kuwabara?   
  
Kuwa: [sleeping on couch] eh...zzzzzzzz....  
  
KFire: Your choice! I can't wait to start the new Episode!! I love reviews, keep sending! Well, that's all for now, this is Knight de Fire, signing off!  
  
[beeeoooppp] 


	5. Episode Three: Tension and Nervous Break...

KFire: Hey all! What's goin' on? I haven't been seen lately due to an enormous amount of work hours and school work. Welcome to the next edition of Whose Rei is it Anyways! The guys are getting ready for the ep, so let's start. [into PA] Places, guys!!  
  
  
  
Whose Rei is it Anyway? (?!?!?!?!)  
Written by: Knight de Fire  
  
  
Drew: Hey! Good evening and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyways? --What the?--  
  
[A girl grabs the mic away from him and motions to the people behind the camera. We see herconversing with Drew. He nods and shrugs and walks off the set.]  
  
Girl: [smiling evilly] On tonight's show: Whaddaya lookin' at?!-Yusuke!; How about a nice cup of 'shut the *bleep* up?'- Hiei!; 'Why am I still here?'- Kurama!; and 'Let me out!!'- Kuwabara! I"m your host, Knight de Fire! Come one down and let's have some fun.  
  
[Camera pans over audience and then rests on Drew's desk with KFire sitting atop it.]  
  
Yusuke: [whispering to Hiei] What is she *doing* here?  
  
Hiei: Like I know.  
  
Yusuke: [Looks at other two]  
  
Kurama, Kuwabara: [shrugs]  
  
KFire: I thought I'd play host for a bit. I'm tired of sitting in front of that computer, bein' all cooped up. [They just stare at her.] What?  
  
Hiei: [glancing at the others] ah...if you're here, who's...  
  
Y, K, Kw, H: [look up at ceiling]  
  
KFire: oh yeah. I've got it on auto record. Nifty, huh? [laughs] Anyways...[to audience] Y'all have seen the show before, right?  
  
[Audience cheers and claps]  
  
KFire: Alright! The first game is Old Job, New Job! Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara: this is for you. Yusuke, you're a McDonald's employee who used to be a hooker. Kuwabara and Kurama are poeple trying to order a burger. Go!  
  
Kurama: [walks up to counter with Kuwabara] [to Yusuke] Hi, I'd like to order..  
  
Yusuke: [standing with his weight centered on one hip and puckers lips] [Leans over counter] Hey Sugah...[grabs Kurama's collar and yanks him close so their faces are inches apart] ...want a hot...juicy....steamy...[lifts eyebrow seductively] hunk of meat? [licks lips]  
  
Kuwabara: [looks sick]  
  
Kurama: [sweatdrop] [sighing] ah...sure.  
  
Yusuke: [picks up 'burger' and saunters up to Kuwabara]  
  
Kurama: [looks relieved]  
  
Kuwabara: [decides to play along; grabs the burger and bites into it]  
  
Yusuke: [moans]  
  
Kuwabara: [drops burger] o.o   
  
Kurama: [snickers]  
  
Yusuke: I'll get that...[bends over slowly]   
  
Kuwa: O.O  
  
Hiei: [looks grossed out in background]  
  
Kurama: [conveniently looking at ceiling]  
  
[BUZZ BUZZ]  
  
KFire: The next game is Scenes from a Hat. This is for all four of you. Get on the step there, and we'll see how many you can act out. [Koenma's hat appears from under desk]  
  
Kuwa: [glances a Yusuke]  
  
KFire: the first one is...'If Boton didn't ride an oar!'  
  
Yusuke: [walks out] [straddles something and runs around cackling like the Wicked Witch.]  
  
Kuwa: [walks out] [stands on a surfboard for a moment before falling off]  
  
Kurama: [walks out] [tries to thumb a ride]  
  
KFire: [buzzer] Alright, next...Why Karoake night was banned.  
  
Hiei: [walks out with Kurama] [pretends to hold mic but suddenly beats Kurama over the head with it.] I'M NOT SINGING SEXUAL HEALING, DAMN FOX!!!  
  
Kurama: -.-;;;;  
  
{BUZZ}   
  
[Kuwa and Yusuke walk out.]  
  
Kuwa: [in a horribly sharp shrill voice] AAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEE-YAAAAIII-YAAIII!!!!  
  
Yusuke: [in bloodcurdling pitch] LOOOOOOOOVEEEEE!!!!!!!!  
  
Kuwa and Yusuke: [Earsplitting] YYYYYOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!  
  
KFire: [covers ears painfully] [leans on buzzer] {BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ}  
....Wow that was horrendous...Next is ... Yu Yu Hakusho Day Jobs.  
  
Kuwa: [as Yusuke] Want fries with that?  
  
Kurama: [sly look] Theft services...  
  
Yusuke: [as Hiei] Someone call for a stripper?  
  
[Kurama holds Hiei back from Yusuke] -.-;;  
  
KFire: [Buzz] Next...Odd things to wish for using the Forlorn Hope.  
  
Hiei: [as Kuwabara] I wanna cat.  
  
Yusuke: erm...fries and a coke?  
  
Kuwa: [as Yusuke] A *bleep*...  
  
[All stare at him]  
  
Yusuke: [as Kurama] a barber. [is shot a dirty look from Kurama]  
  
KFire: [Buzz] Alright..last one...what the-? [looks incredulously at Director behind camera] Fashion Follies of YYH.  
  
Directore: [shrugs innocently and points to Producer.]  
  
KFire: -.-'''  
  
Yusuke: [walks out with Kurama] [Tsks] Jeez, Kurama, pink with red hair? And look at this. Are you trying to make a wig?  
  
Kurama: [glaring] well, how about your greased up-aerodynamic-waterslides right off- shiny-ass hair?  
  
Yusuke: [glares back at him] [opens mouth to say something]   
  
KFire: [BUZZ] ^-^;;;  
  
Yusuke: HEY!! wanna make fun of my hair? how about Hiei? And what about that sissy dress he's wearing?!  
  
Hiei: [growls] ROBE!  
  
Yusuke: yeah, yeah [dismissively]  
  
KFire: [BUZZ BUZZ]  
  
[all walk back...then Kurama walks out again]   
  
Kurama: [ as Yusuke] [putting 'gel' in hair] hm? I can't quite signal planes...more gel....maybe Keiko will let me--  
  
KFire: [BUZZ] Kurama! I never thought *you'd*--  
  
Yusuke: [walking out] [as Kurama] [looks in 'mirror'] How can I look more a like a woman? [pretends to put on lipstick]  
  
Kurama: [eyes narrow]  
  
[Kuwabara is holding back Yusuke and Hiei is holding Kurama back]  
  
KFire: [BUZZ BUZZ] Enough! let's go to commercial and let things calm down...  
  
{Fade to black}.....  
{Fades back into show}  
  
Director: one of the recievers in broken. We can't go to commercial.  
  
Kurama: NOO! [starts hyperventilating and curls into a ball on the floor.]  
  
KFire: uh...Big D, we need a break.  
  
Director: it's only a five minute commercial thing we're missing.  
  
Yusuke: but we need those five minutes.  
  
Hiei: guys, we're airing now.  
  
[All sweatdrop]  
  
KFire: [looks down a Kurama]  
  
[Kurama is rocking back and forth, mutter to himself]  
  
KFire: Er...[kneels down next to Kurama] Kurama, hon...do you think you could go for one or two more games?  
  
Kurama: Nonononononnonooooo....  
  
KFire: Could you at least try?  
  
Kurama: ...  
  
KFire: ?  
  
Kurama: ...  
  
KFire: Alright, we can't continue with him. We need a substitute.  
  
Director: I know! [pulls out cell phone and--]  
  
Vash the Stampede: [stumbles in and falls on face] Hello!  
  
All: -.-  
  
KFire: I don't think so. [grabs phone and --]  
  
Koronue: [walks in] er...hi?  
  
Kurama: [looks up] Koronue?! [looks at KFire] No. No. nononono!  
  
KFire: [sighs] fine...how about Koenma?  
  
Yusuke and Kuwa: NO!  
  
KFire: Boton?   
  
Hiei: no.  
  
KFire: Genkai?  
  
[long pause]  
  
KFire: nah...  
  
Director: [to KFire] how about you?  
  
Y, K, Kw, H: NO!!!  
  
KFire: Yukina?  
  
Kuwa: YES!  
  
Hiei: NO!!  
  
KFire: will it work with only you three?  
  
Director: no. How bout Rando?  
  
Yusuke: No!  
  
KFire: [looks at Kurama] [puppy eyes] please try?  
  
Kurama: but-  
  
KFire: Please?  
  
Kurama: I-  
  
KFire: [single tear rolls down cheek]  
  
Kurama: [starts to waver] oh-  
  
KFire: [sniffles]  
  
Kurama: ...[looks nervous]  
  
Hiei: [looks annoyed] Damnit, Kurama, just do one game!  
  
Kurama: fine...  
  
KFire: [stands up] next game is Moving Bodies! Kurama and Hiei, you'll be the lucky people playing! Let's call two random people down from the audience...[draws two names from Koenma's hat] Puar and FLdopp!  
  
[Puar runs down, ponytail bobbing, and stops behind Kurama]  
[FLdopp walks down and stand behind Hiei]  
  
Kurama: [looking angry] You could've used Yusuke or Kuwabara for this!!!  
  
KFire: we could always use Koronue.  
  
Kurama: I'm not doing another game!!! [stalks off]  
  
[Kurama gets as far as the step off the carpet when a cage falls]  
  
Kurama: Hey!! You can't--!!  
  
[Koronue suddenly appears inside the cage next to Kurama]  
  
Koronue: Hi Kurama...what's going on?  
  
KFire: Readers!! I call on you yet again! Who shall continue? Kurama...or Koronue? You decide, I do this for you! Email me at Labyrinth_Fae@hotmail.com or just review!   
  
[cut to a error screen, but instead of showing those colored blocks, it shows a picture of Koronue and Kurama on each side of the screen.]  
  
  
-------  
  
Kudos to Mookie, and a lot of people I don't remember who gave me ideas. If your idea's in here, tell me and get credit! 


	6. Episode three, part two: The final games...

KFire: Hey all! Wow, has it been a busy month, ne? I appreciate all of your reviews so much. What am I going to do when this fic is over? [sniffs] What will I write about?   
  
Yusuke: [lifting an eyebrow] now look, she's getting all choked up.  
  
KFire: [glares] oh, shut up...anyways, as before, I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Whose Line.I'm not making money off of this --  
  
Hiei: [scoffing] yeah, like you could...  
  
KFire: -- and I'm just playing with them...but I don't guarantee their safety. [casts a glare at Hiei] [evil smirk] ...And if anyone could help me? Is it Yuu Yuu Hakusho or Yu Yu? and is it Yuusuke, or Yusuke? The "u"'s are confusing me. Anyways, on with the fic.  
  
  
Whose Rei is it Anyways?  
Episode Three, after...er...the lack of commercial break.  
written by: Knight de Fire  
  
  
[Camera comes out of the colored blocks to rest on all five people standing around the cage where Koronue and Kurama are held.]  
  
KFire: Alright, guys. Time to let them out.  
  
[camera zooms in on the sticks that Kuwa and Yusuke are poking Kurama and Koronue with.]   
  
Kuwa, Yusuke: awwww... [the cage lifts and Kurama suddenly turns youko]  
  
KFire: ACK! [puts hands up defensively] wait! waitwaitwait!  
  
Youko Kurama: [cracking knuckles] why?  
  
KFire: because...[assumes a holy stance] the readers have decided...er..voted.  
  
Koronue: And?  
  
KFire: Well, first, Koronue, you're gone. You're not popular enough, sorry. [Koronue disappears in a puff of purplish smoke] And, Kurama, you're pitied by most of my readers. However, they are all very sadistic and like seeing you suffer. Now, change back. You can't challenge the Reviewers' decision. [Kurama turns back, grudgingly; and to many whistles from the audience.] Hiei, sorry but you're still here. The rest of you sit. Alright,....[faces camera and smiles] And welcome back to Whose line is it anyways? the show where the points don't matter--like the death threats from dear Kurama, there. Now, the first game is called the Millionaire Show. I want Hiei, Kurama, and Kuwabara to do it as guys trying to get Yusuke killed.[Yusuke and Kuwabara take the stools up front and Hiei heads for the audience. Kurama goes off stage.] Whenever you're ready.  
  
Kuwa: You are now at negative seven thousand. The next question is to land you at an even zero. You have two lifelines left. Your question is: What color are Hiei's underwear? A} pink B} black C} red hearts or E} he isn't wearing any.  
  
[Camera shot of Hiei unwrapping his right arm.] [KFire glares poison daggers at him] [He re-wraps it, grudgingly]   
  
Yusuke: [casting a cautious eye to Hiei] er...um...I'll have to call my good friend Kurama.   
  
Kuwa: Okay...[sound of phone ringing...]   
  
Kurama: [raspy voice] hello.  
  
Yusuke: Hey, Kurama. I have this question, I'm on the millionaire show...  
  
Kurama: [heavy breathing and a sinister chuckle]   
  
Yusuke: Yeah, anyways...the question is what color are Hiei's underwear--  
  
Kurama: Underwear?! He doesn't wear any!  
  
Hiei: WHAT?!!!!!!   
  
KFire: ooo, how do you know?  
  
Hiei: HE DOESN'T!!  
  
Kuwa: [cutting them off] sure! [punches Yusuke in a fake friendly way. Hard.] Alright! next question is: Kurama is really a: A} Fox, B} Chippendale dancer, C} a woman, or D} a flowerbed.  
  
Yusuke: ah...[glances over at Hiei, who's still glowering over the last question.] umm...[glances over at Kurama, who's offstage and casting golden glares at Yusuke.]  
  
Kuwa: yes?  
  
Yusuke: I'll have to ask my friend in the audience..  
  
Hiei: [standing up] [deadpan voice] D  
  
Yusuke: ah...okay...[to Kuwa] I'll go with ....C...?  
  
Kuwa: Right!  
  
Kurama: WHAT!!!! [rose whip comes from behind curtain.]  
  
KFire: [BUZZ] Alright guys. Kurama, call the Rose Whip off.   
  
Kurama: [growls]  
  
KFire: Kurama. Off. Now. ...or if you prefer, I could make you the target again...?  
  
Kurama: [snarls][Rose whip goes back to being a rose and he puts it back in his...hair.]  
  
KFire: There's a good fox. Alright...we'll go on to the next game, okay? Alright, the next game is Hoe Down. This is for all four of you. [reading card] You'll be singing about...me?! [looks at producer] ME?!  
  
Producer: [shrugs and points to Director]   
  
KFire: oi...  
  
[music starts]  
  
Yusuke: This girl, KFire, is torturing the reikai tantei / Kurama seems to be the target / of every game. / It's kind of funny, but she'd better watch her back / cause as soon as we're out of here/ ain't noone holdin' us back!  
  
Kuwa: Yusuke says we're gonna get her, but I'm not all that sure / She hasn't really picked on me, so I don't really care / Her games have been aimed at the two demons,/ I really hope that she sleeps with one eye open!  
  
Hiei: Knight de Fire better watch herself, of that you can be sure / I want to burn her to a crisp with my Kokoryuha/ she won't be able to get away from my fire / She will have to deal with consquences dire!  
  
Kurama: I'm getting to sick of this, I want to take revenge / I will use the girl's ambition to achieve my ends / But right now, i'm am bond by the Reviewers / Once this is over, it is she that I will skewer!!  
  
Y, K,K,H: It's she that I will skewer!!!  
  
KFire: [grinning] wonderfully done! For points, I will reward each of you a place in my next fic! ... [glares from Kurama and Hiei, a groan from Kuwabara, and a chuckle from Yusuke.] Now, the next game is called Wacky Newscasters. Yusuke, you're the anchor. Hiei is the co-anchor. Hiei, you're a teenybopper who keeps spotting popstars. Kuwabara, you're doing sports. You're trying to keep the doctor from 'fixing' you. [Kuwabara's eyes widen.] Kurama, you're the weatherman. You're a drag queen who's getting ready for a night at the club. Whenever you're ready.  
  
[music cues]  
  
Yusuke: Hi and welcom to the 10 o'clock news. I'm your host, Longen Deep and with me is the lovely Ruba Moorecock.  
  
Hiei: [glares and wonders fleetingly how he managed to end up in the predicament *again*.][looks around blankly but suddenly 'spots' Yusuke.] [gasping and pointing] OMG!!! It's....ah....er....[remembers he doesn't know any pop stars]  
  
Yusuke: [sees Hiei's confused look and mutters something through the side of his mouth]   
  
Hiei: A WHAT?! a back...street.......boy? [blinks] oh! It's a backstreet boy!! [glomps Yuske, almost knocking him over] OMG! OMG!!!! [runs around studio like a crazed fan girl shrieking at 'insink' and 'christina aqualarah']   
  
Yusuke: ah...right. [casts a strange look at Hiei] And now, sports! I'll hand it over to our sports guru, Nev Alade.  
  
Kuwabara: -.- [gives Yusuke the evil eye, but the acquires a look of complete and utter horror] NO! Please doc, please! No, Go AWAY!! I need my *bleep*!--  
  
Kurama: [snickering] [to Hiei] he got censored...  
  
Kuwabara: [gives a sudden and very girly shriek]  
  
Yusuke: [grinning] Thank you for that...riveting report...And now, let's throw it to Dude Lookslye-Kalady for today's weather report. [to Kurama] Dude...  
  
Kurama: well, today's looking ...hot...[likcs lips] and steamy. [puts on what looks to be a *very* tight dress] [whistles from audience] [puts on lipstick and lifts an eyebrow.]  
  
Kuwabara: [in a high-pitched voice] oooooooooo.....[jumps on Kurama]  
  
Kurama: AHH! [falls over]  
  
[camera zooms in on Kurama lying spread-eagle on the floor, Kuwabara on top of him.]  
  
Kurama: Oh! i'm glad I found a drag king! Wanna go?  
  
Kuwabara: [indignant] I"m not a--  
  
Kurama: But you have no--  
  
[BUZZ] [Kurama and Kuwabara get up and all return to seats.]  
  
KFire: wonderful! Three thousand points each for crushing the hearts of girls everywhere, Kuwabara...and Five thousand for lifting the hopes of guys everywhere, Kurama.   
  
Kuwabara: [shakes hands with Kurama]  
  
KFire: okay, next game. This is for three of you. Kurama and Yusuke, you're acting in a play when Kurama suddenly dies. Yusuke, however, just keeps acting. Then Hiei comes in, but then dies, and Yusuke plays his part also. The scene is: Kurama and Yusuke are Cinderella and Prince Whatsisname. They're dancing with the evil stepmom, Hiei, comes in to break it up.  
  
[Kurama and Yusuke start ballroom dancing rather impressively. Whistles and catcall from the audience]  
  
Yusuke: I love you, Cinderella. [unable to hold back a grin]  
  
Kurama: [gives him an endearing yet deadly look] why, I -- [goes limp]  
  
Yusuke: [caught off-guard and Kurama drops heavily to the ground.]  
  
Kurama: [growls]  
  
Yusuke: [picks him up] [hurriedly] Here?! Jeez, girl, let's go to the hotel. [staggers to chair, holding Kurama]  
  
Hiei: [walks in] Cinderella! What do you think you're doing with -- [falls forward]....  
  
[Yusuke misses again and Hiei falls to the floor with a thump.]  
  
Yusuke: [muttering] I never *was* good at those trust games...[grabs Hiei round the middle.] [as Hiei] Him?! [works Kurama's mouth] But I love him, mother! He's so handsome and brave and oh-so-[yelps]  
  
Kurama: [opens one eye and lifts an eyebrow at Yusuke. We see his foot still connected with Yusuke's shin.]   
  
Yusuke: [to Hiei and Kurama] Ahem...thanks, but there's enough of me for everyone. [audience cheers] [as Kurama] Oh, yeah...I *like* it that way.... [as Hiei] [moans]  
  
KFire: [buzz, buzz] Alright, Yusuke. Three hundred points each. That's a new twist for Cinderella... Alright. [stagehand gives her an envelope. she opens it, reads, and nods] Alright, next game....Hollywood director!  
  
[cheers]  
  
KFire: Yusuke, you're the director. The scene is: you're all working in an office. Kurama, you're the Boss who's having an affair with Hiei, the blonde, ditzy secretary. Kuwabara, you're the janitor who comes to spy on the everyday and wants Hiei for yourself.   
  
[laughter and whistles from audience]  
  
Kurama: [glad that someone else is the girl this time] [cocks an eyebrow at Hiei] Good Afternoon, Miss Chestnut.  
  
Hiei: [sighs but then walks over to Kurama] [deadpan] like...hi. Mr...Ric...ar..do.  
  
Kurama: [smiles and draws Hiei close] So...  
  
Kuwabara: [peeking in so far] [jumps out and yanks Hiei away] No! Dolly, you can't! You don't love him!  
  
Hiei: But Terri, I do. [irritable blink]  
  
Yusuke: [jumping in] No, no, no! It needs something more...like....like....excitement! Act as if a bomb is going to go off any second! Action!  
  
Kurama: [frenzied] MISS CHESTNUT!!  
  
Hiei: [gasps] OMG! Like, like....Mr. Ricardo!   
  
Kurama: [yanks Hiei quickly to his chest] I--  
  
Kuwabara: [flings Hiei away from Kurama like a rag doll] NO! YOU CAN'T, DOLLY!   
  
Hiei: YES, I CAN! [socks Kuwabara in the gut]  
  
Kuwabara: Oof! [falls to knees gasping for breath]  
  
Yusuke: CUT! Did you guys take acting skill from Genkai?? Jeez, that was utter crap! We'll try it again...but what this film needs is drama. Do it as melodramatic as you can. Action!  
  
Kurama: [a lusty look in his eyes] Miss...Chestnut...  
  
Hiei: [breathy voice] hi, Mr. Ricardo...[runs hand up and down Kurama's arm]  
  
Kurama: Ohh...[pulls Hiei close]   
  
Kuwabara: [jumps in, in 'slow motion'] Nooooooooo! [down on one knee] Dolly...don't do it, Dolly....Y'don't love him...[grasps Hiei's hand]  
  
Hiei: [acquires a pained look] But I do...I...  
  
Yusuke: CUT! That was entirely too close to reality for my taste...[plunges ahead before the others figure out what he said] y'know what sells?--  
  
Hiei: Kurama's sexual favors?  
  
Kurama: Hiei's clothes?  
  
Kuwabara: booze?  
  
Yusuke: [stares at them strangely] no...sex. Do it as porn stars.--  
  
KFire: And remember our rating, please.  
  
Yusuke: Action!  
  
Kurama: [breathing heavily] oh, Miss Chestnut....[pulls Hiei close and starts to run his fingers through his hair]  
  
Hiei: [suspicious, but plays along] Mr. Ricardo...  
  
Kurama: [pulls Hiei's face close to his and kisses him]  
  
Hiei: [shocked beyond action]  
  
Kuwabara: [tying his shoe, doesn't see] .....  
  
Yusuke: [laughing]  
  
KFire: [grinning] awwww....  
  
[cheers and whistles from audience]  
  
Kuwabara: [gets up to see them apart, like before.] [has no idea what just went on]  
  
KFire: [buzz, buzz] Great job! Five hundred points. Next we have a brand new game.  
  
Kuwabara, Yusuke: Oooo!!  
  
Hiei, Kurama: [groan]  
  
KFire: yeah...well, I'm sure someone has heard of it before. It's called 'Sounds Like'. This is for all four of you. I'll give you an idea or phrase and you give me a variation, okay? Alright. First one is... "Shoveling the snow."  
  
Yusuke: *Bleep* ing in the snow...  
Kuwabara: Shoving till you glow   
Kurama: Shoving during the blow  
Hiei: Shoving *bleep* in the snow.  
  
Kfire: [sweatdrop] Maybe this game wasn't such a great idea...  
  
Yusuke: Maybe this *bleep* wasn't such a--  
  
KFire: Finish that and you're doing another fic.   
  
Yusuke: [shuts up]  
  
KFire: alright, next is...Paying a Toll.  
  
Yusuke: er...[shrugs] spraying...a ...roll?  
Kuwabara: er...ringing a...-.- I don't know  
Kurama: *bleep* ing a troll. [grin]  
Y, K, H: [look at Kurama oddly] [Kurama shrugs]  
Hiei: hanging a host. [eerie glare at KFire]  
  
KFire: eheheheh....Next...A Round of Golf.  
  
Yusuke: A mound of soft...skin. [chuckles]  
Kuwabara: around in your loft?   
Kurama: They're round and soft.  
Hiei: ....[blank look]  
  
KFire: Alright. That's it for that game. I think we're treading close to our rating border.  
  
[laughter]  
  
KFire: Five thousand points for stealing the innocence of every child reading this. Great job. [laughing] alright, y'all. I've been given a letter to let us know that the reciever has been repaired. [holds up envelope from stagehand earlier] [cheers from cast] So, you guys, it's been great tortu-- ah, working with you. I hope we can do another fic soon. Today's winner is...Kurama, for not killing me in my sleep and taking our teasing so well.   
  
[round of applause and cheers from audience] [Yusuke and Kuwabara slap him on the back and Hiei gives him a respectful nod]   
  
KFire: [walks over to him] I'll go easier next time. [laughs and shakes his hand and hugs him] But, before we leave, there is one thing...the credits~! Roll em!  
  
^^^Author^^^  
Knight de Fire  
  
^^^Special Thanks To^^^  
Animegirl3  
Starwarsfanone1  
Izzy A-chan  
King of the Damned  
Shinku-Ame  
Becca  
The Sakura Caller  
Sarissa  
Des  
Haruka Minamino  
Catzbane  
Animegurl  
Mookie  
Goten0040  
Fanora  
Mizustarangel  
FuzzyPinkSlippers  
MesaJarJarBinks  
D.Kai  
Ed  
Demonic Pride  
Gin Hoshi   
Flare  
AoiHyo  
Achika-chan  
Kurama no Hime  
Callisto Firestarter  
Metal-Hybrid  
Rei-hime  
Chrislea  
Dark Angel  
Meoiati  
Asilin  
Naoko Kensaku  
DarkLightAngel  
Katsumi  
Dommon Kosshu  
Katoumaru  
Lady BlackDragonFire  
Ara Moon  
EdSweetTooth  
Mitsukai  
Sarah aka Celebi  
Dragon Master Lytore  
ArtikGato  
Blackflower  
Nekosama  
Me Gots No Name  
Snow_Bliz  
Chel  
Storm Demon  
Son Riona   
Smoke and Mirrors  
Crystal-Wind  
Gatochu  
Kyra Windwood  
Kei  
Ellen  
Duelist Kaomi  
AmiMercury06  
Blood Roses [DarkFire]  
Botan64  
Hiei Worshipper  
Jemibub  
Magnum  
Touya no Miko aka TnM  
  
Thank you all for reviewing, I wish I knew who the anonymous reviewers were so I could mention them...But thanks for your encouragment and your ideas...they're pretty important for a rookie writer like me...^-^ Thanks all!  
  
[Fade to black]  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[in breakroom]   
  
Yusuke: so....are we done now?  
  
Kurama: I think so...  
  
Hiei: I wouldn't count on it. [rolls eyes]  
  
Kuwabara: [shrugging] doesn't bother me...  
  
Kurama and Hiei: THAT BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!  
  
Yusuke: [chuckling] they're right, y'know.  
  
Kuwabara: what can I say? They're more fun to pick on.  
  
[KFire walks in]  
  
KFire: hey guys...Well, I'm kind of sad the fic is done, but you're all reaching your limits...and me too. I'm starting to run out of ideas. Well, off you go...You're free...until I get another idea...or if the readers want more of this fic. ^-^ I think i'm going to try a drama type of fic next, though. So, wish me luck! [materializes a doorway from nowhere] Here's your exit. Bye guys!  
  
[Kurama, Yusuke, Hiei, and Kuwabara all walk through, leaving KFire alone]  
  
[faces computer reader]  
  
well...that's it for this fic. I hope you read my next one. [winks, grins, and disappears in a puff of crimson and black smoke]  
  
  
..........................................................................................................................................  
  
42! 


End file.
